USA Tomorrow, 31 October 2016
Washington is abuzz with the revelation that Kevin Rudd has offered himself as a compromise candidate in next week’s US presidential contest.
One administration insider described the news as the breakthrough moment American voters had prayed for.
''With Kevin in the race, with the full backing of Botswana and the FBI, voters will feel so much better choosing between Clinton or Trump, knowing there’s now an even worse alternative."
Asked whether it was possible for a someone with Rudd’s background – failed national leader (x2), failed UN Secretary General candidate (x1), non-US citizen (ongoing), megalomaniac (ongoing), our source dismissed these as trifles.
"The point is that Kevin combines all the characteristics we loathe in Hillary and Donald. It’s no mean feat to make them look good but by God he’s done it.''
Mr Rudd was unavailable for interview. His spokeswoman said, ''I am authorised to say that Kev, a humble man of the people, is delighted to step up to the plate, put his shoulder to the wheel as the rubber hits the road and offer to serve the American electors in any capacity as their President with a fresh load of programmatic specificity''.