Following a break during the election campaign to ensure his interviews would remain non-partisan, Dr Sigmund Freud met with Senator-elect Pauline Hanson.
SF: Congratulations Ms Hanson, are you surprised at your success?
PH: Of course not, what a stupid question. The Strayan people have longed for my return to take the country back to the time when everyone knew where they stood and who they were standing on. A time when things were black and white and there was none of this awful brindlelisation we see all about us 24/7.
SF: But aren’t you a product of what you call brindlelisation? Some years ago a DNA test showed your own genetic make-up was drawn from the Middle East, Italy, Greece and Turkey as well as Europe. Makes you a bit of a piebald doesn’t it?
PH: Dr Froid, if you think you can show me up as an ignorant hypocrite you’ve got another thing coming. The Strayan people won’t stand idly by while some foreigner with a silly name insults the one person who gives them hope for the future of bigotry.
SF: Whatever you might say, Ms Hanson, your electoral appeal remains limited.
PH: That’s what you think! Straya’s full of people like me. That’s one of our education system’s greatest achievements.
SF: Why do you hate Muslims so much?
PH: What planet do you live on Dr Froid? They’re out to get us, to ruin our way of life. Everywhere you go these days there’s a Muslim. And those women in their scary black robes. If there’s not a bomb under them there’s a development proposal for a mosque or a school.
SF: You do know that Muslims make up only about two per cent of the Australian population?
PH: That’s what you say, Dr Froid. That’s why we need a Royal Commission to discover the real true facts, including how Muslims ruin the environment.
SF: Are you saying that Muslims are responsible for climate change?
PH: Of course I am. Who else would be? Just have a look at what they’ve done in the Middle East – nothing but sand, barely a tree, no water. It’s a disgrace. And it’ll happen here. Mark my words.
SF: But most Muslims don’t even live in the Middle East. They live in Pakistan and India and Bangladesh and Indonesia.
PH: And just look where those countries are, Dr Froid, getting closer and closer to Straya. They’re out to get us and I’m the only person who can stop it.
[SF closes his eyes, shakes his head and is unable to continue.]