After
examining the intricacies of Australian politics and discovering there weren’t
any, Dr Sigmund Freud eased himself back into the interview circuit by chatting
to the Prime Minister.
MT: Wonderful to see you again Dr Freud, there’s
never been a better time–
SF: Hang
on, we went through all that last time! I want to ask about you and the
forthcoming election.
MT: Well there’s just never ever been a better
time to talk about me. I’m at the top of my game.
SF: That’s
not the message I’m getting. There’s a lot of grumbling about you, about your
indecisiveness, your lacklustre leadership.
MT: Well
the Labor Party has always been a party of whiners and whingers, just shows we’ve
got them rattled.
SF: I’m not talking about the Labor Party—
MT: Well
then it’s just the sort of ingratitude we’ve come to expect from the Greens.
SF: (Slowly and precisely) Read my lips. I am
talking about the Liberal Party, the party you lead, the party of government.
MT: (Turns to adviser) Good God, are we in
government? I wondered why I was getting so much media attention. Thought as usual
it was my good looks and charm, and of course my extreme wealth. (Adviser whispers, MT adopts a serious, there’s
never been a better time for me to be prime minister look, and lowers his voice)
Well
the Liberal Party has always been a broad church, even welcoming those with
absolutely no moral or social standards at all. We firmly believe that money
makes up for a lot of human failings.
SF: You’re
being strongly criticised for your indecisiveness.
MT: And what
poppycock that is. When I make up my mind about something there’s no-one,
absolutely no-one who’ll be quicker than I am in setting up a detailed, in
depth examination or a series of Australia-wide focus groups in case I decide
not to go ahead with it and need an explanation that I can take to the
Australian people and explain why I’m such a decisive squib. That’s the basis
of representative government Dr Freud and explains why the Australian people,
my people, have such confidence in me as their leader. (Turns to adviser) How did that sound?
(Adviser lowers heads
and looks sideways)
SF: What
about innovation?
MT: You
took the word right out of my mouth, Dr Freud! I’ve set new standards in innovation
in the short time I’ve been Prime Minister. (Turns to adviser again) How long did you say it was? Can’t believe
it, I must tell Lucy. Remind me after we finish here. (Turns back to Dr Freud) Where were we?
SF: Innovation.
MT: Well
let me give you two quick examples. Look at the innovative way we’re keeping
the Labor Party from governing by pretending that we are. (Beams)
SF: You
said there were two examples.
MT: Of
course, of course, all in good time. I bet you can’t guess.
SF: Prime
Minister, I am the father of modern psychoanalysis. Do you really think that
makes me a mind-reader?
MT: Of
course not, my apologies. Well I am proud to say that as of today, this very
morning in fact, I have changed my name by deed poll.
SF: You’re
no longer Malcolm Turnbull?
MT: Don’t
be silly, I would never do that to my people. Too unsettling for them. But from
today my name is no longer Malcolm Bligh Turnbull. It’s …
SF: Can’t
wait.
MT: It’s
Malcolm Forward-to-the-past-and-quickly-now-Eric-Abetz-is-watching Turnbull.
SF: Mmm, if you must. And the election?
MT: I’ll
cross that bridge when I’ve passed it.
No comments:
Post a Comment